We Belong Together (Vivian&Theo)

[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Almost a week had passed, and Vivian still couldn't stop thinking about that night.

The party in the Slytherin common room had gone even worse than expected. Theo had come up to her, asked to talk to her... and she had told him no. It had broken her heart, but she'd walked away. At least she had been strong enough to do that, she told herself, but she didn't feel strong. Rodolphus Lestrange had taken her away, up to his dorm, and she had hated herself for every kiss and every touch, and hated herself even more for needing it so badly. She needed it so she could forget, so she wouldn't be alone.

That night she had cried herself to sleep for the first time since the night she had left Theo at the lake... and even that hadn't compared to the sobs that had left her shaking. She had managed to stay silent, so her dorm-mates wouldn't know she was crying. She would hate that.

After that she couldn't bring herself to even look at Theo. Not in the common room, not in the great hall, not in the corridors... she just went through the motions of each day, and she had been meeting up with Rodolphus more and more. It seemed like other boys were backing off, now that Rod had staked a claim. They weren't a couple, and there were no delusions about that even amongst the student body, but whispers of 'slag' now accompanied the ones of 'bitch' that Vivian was so accustomed to. Every time he came and found her, she was unable to resist the escape he could give her, no matter how small. And every time she left him she felt disgusted with herself. But it didn't seem to stop her.

It was evening, almost completely dark, and Vivian was walking across the grounds. It was drizzling, the rain coming down in a soft haze, but Vivian didn't put her hood up, instead letting it catch in her hair. The rain wasn't heavy enough to weigh her hair down, instead it just made her shimmer slightly when she caught the light. Her head was down as she headed towards the Slytherin changing rooms.

The Slytherin Quidditch team had had a practice that night, she knew, and for once she was seeking out Rodolphus and not the other way around. She knew he thought he was making progress with her, and maybe he was right. She didn't really want to have sex with him, but she was starting to grow tired of refusing him. And really, what was the point? She knew he often stayed behind after the rest of the team had left, to work on some plays, so she expected to find him there. But when she entered the changing rooms and looked up, she didn't find who she'd expected.

"Oh," she let out in surprise, her eyes wide as she looked at Theo. The changing room was empty apart from him, and as she saw him her body- mostly her heart- had a noticeable reaction.

He was sitting on the bench, shirtless, and Vivian didn't think he'd even showered yet. His hair was a mess, and she could see a bruise or two where a bludger had hit him. And he looked good. He looked so good it made her ache.

Finding Theo there was not what she had expected, and a part of her was horrified, twisted up with the pain that always accompanied seeing him. But another part, the part that loved and missed him so much it hurt, leapt with joy. Because even if it was only for a brief moment, and even if it was the guiltiest of pleasures, seeing Theo, even in a horrible situation like this, was better than seeing anyone else any day of the week. That was what she tried to deny to herself every day as she avoided him religiously.

Vivian just stood, frozen in place, not knowing what to say, staring at Theo. She wanted to leave, but at the same time couldn't find the will to move her feet. She wanted to go to him, the feeling was almost overwhelming. The longing was eating her up, and she knew that was why she should leave. This was why she'd been avoiding him. It was already hard enough to get him off her mind. All of this was already hard enough.

But she couldn't.

[THEODORE JACOB NOTT]

It had been a week since the infamous party. For most people it came and passed like parties usually do, but for Theo the night was permanently imprinted in his brain. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her walking away, saw her kissing Lestrange, saw her walking up those stairs and leaving everything they'd built behind. She had chosen sex and lust over friendship love, and every day felt like a constant reminder of that. He saw Lestrange constantly and when he wasn't seeing him or Vivian there were constant whispers practically following him around the hall. It wasn't intentional, but people couldn't stop talking about Lestrange and the slag.... It killed Theo that Vivian had been reduced to nothing more than a whisper, a rumor, and a nickname that was the opposite of what she used to be. Every time he heard it he felt his heart twist and tighten in his chest and he tried his best to just tune them all out together.

But the whispers, which started out as a dull occurrence, were constant now. Every day it was 'did you hear about Rodolphus and that slag?' And Theo had emotionally seemed to curl up inside of himself. The girls who surrounded him, gawking and flaunting whatever gift's god happened to give them weren't entertaining, and he didn't bother giving them the attention he used to. He didn't laugh at their bad jokes. He didn't even crack a smile. The girls whispered about how he had changed but they didn't know why. He ignored them. It didn't matter what they thought anyway.

His life felt empty and he felt more alone than ever. He spent a lot of of the week experimenting with potions and practicing for Quidditch. It wasn't particularly fun or entertaining, but it got him through the days well enough. He'd scarcely seen Vivian in person, but she haunted his dreams every night. And now he couldn't tell what he felt more - disappointment or regret or anger.

He'd beat himself up mentally every day for ever letting Vivian go. But this was Vivian's choice as much as it was his. She gave him a chance and he blew it. And now he was giving her a chance, and she was just breaking his heart more and more every day. If she didn't want him... that was one thing, but to go and demean herself to the level that she was... to sleep with Lestrange so often.. It disgusted him because every single time he thought that it should be him. It should be him with her in bed. It should be him she goes to with her problems.

And that was the part that bothered Theo the most. She had given up everything they shared for someone who doesn't know a thing about her. Who doesn't know about her past... Someone who probably didn't care one way or another about her.That was what got under Theo's skin more than anything else. She'd given up their past for a future of... what? What was their future? There wasn't one.

He sat in the Slytherin locker room after a particularly brutal practice. It felt like ever since the party Rodolphus had run the team, or, more specifically, him, right into the ground every night. So he tended to take a bit longer taking everything off to shower because of sore muscles. He'd only managed to get his pads and shirt off before he heard the doors to the locker room. He figured someone had just forgot something in their lockers. But the second he heard that voice he knew who it was. It was a voice he'd recognize anywhere. She uttered nothing but a simple 'oh' and he knew that she wasn't expecting to find him here. He knew who she was looking for. He looked over his shoulder and let out a small laugh out of his nose before rolling his eyes slightly and turning back around to continue to unlace his quidditch boots.

"Rodolphus isn't here. You missed him by about fifteen minutes," he said, an edge to his voice. But after he managed to unlace one of his boots and turned around on the bench to unlace the other, so at least that way if... if she wanted to talk to him she could. But he doubted she would.

"Sorry to disappoint you," he said, his voice losing most of its edge before. It was replaced with a kind of emotion he hadn't meant to allow to show. And even if she didn't know he meant it in more way than one. He meant it for not being Rodolphus now, but he meant he was sorry for not loving her back.... not loving her back as soon as she wanted him to. But there was no way to tell that from his voice.

[/blockquote]

[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Theo turned to look at her, and Vivian almost had to look away. She knew what he thought; that she'd come here to have sex with Rodolphus. And maybe that was true, but... most likely it wasn't. She still probably wouldn't have been able to have sex with him. But was what she was doing really any better? He was using her and she was letting him, because she needed something to distract herself with. And... well really, when it came right down to it, all Vivian had was her body. All she had was her beauty. That was why anyone was interested in her. Theo had been the exception, and now...

But Theo didn't know that Vivian wasn't having sex with Rodolphus, and he didn't know how she felt about everything. It probably hadn't occurred to him that she was seeing Rod because she was too heart broken over him. He didn't know how disgusted she felt with herself every time. And he didn't know how horrible it felt to love someone who didn't love you back.

He let out a cold laugh, and it cut right through Vivian, and when he spoke his voice had a hard edge to it. This wasn't like Theo. He could be a real ass sometimes, but he wasn't cruel. He didn't want her, did he have to twist the knife, too? Had he really expected her to be able to be friends with him after he rejected her? It was too much. It was too hard.

"Sorry to disappoint you,"

His voice had lost his edge, and there was emotion in it Vivian couldn't quite place. He turned on the bench so that he was facing her, and then continued to unlace his boots. Outside it had grown completely dark, and the rain was starting to come down harder. But that wasn't what kept Vivian glued in place. She couldn't seem to bring herself to leave.

Come on, she told herself, just do it. This isn't the hardest thing you've had to do. The hard part happened already. Just turn around, walk away... but she couldn't.

He didn't disappoint her. He could never disappoint her. Why was he saying that?

"You know that's not..." she started to say, but words failed her, and she trailed off. She didn't know how to tell Theo what she felt without... well, telling him how she felt. She had done that already. He knew how she felt about him. How could he think he would disappoint her?

Vivian knew she should leave, but still she couldn't. Being alone with him here, in the silence, it was almost like... it was almost like being close to him again. The only sound was the rain. It was almost peaceful.

She opened her mouth to speak, and started to take a step towards him, before she stopped herself. She shut her mouth firmly, and tried to swallow the lump that was lodged in her throat. What was she going to say? Please love me? Please want me? No. No, she wouldn't beg.

[THEODORE JACOB NOTT]

Theo sat in the silence that followed his words, unlacing his boot, silently wondering if Vivian would stay or go. She stood there for an eternity and the silence that grew around them was thick with an awkward discomfort that neither of them ever had to deal with. Even when they were young their friendship natural and never any kind of effort. But now... now things felt off, different.

Theo had just gotten done pulling off his second boot when Vivian spoke again. It was only half a sentence, but it was more than he'd gotten out of her in what felt like an eternity. Part of him didn't understand why she just didn't leave. They both knew who she was hoping to find down there, and Theo wasn't him. So why not go after who she wanted to? He heaved a small sigh. His thoughts were selfish. He did miss her like he'd never missed anything before, after all, was he really that excited to go chasing her off again with bitter words and feelings? He should take what he can get. And he would.

He stared at his boot on the ground for a moment before finally bringing his soft brown eyes to look up at her. He furrowed his brow for a moment, wondering where her sentence was going, wondering what there was even to say anymore. That was a lie. Theo knew exactly what he wanted to say to her. The words danced on the edge of his lips at every sleeping and waking moment. He only wanted to get her alone to say them. And here they were. This was his chance. So why did his throat feel so tight and scratchy? Why was he unable to just blurt out the thoughts that had been plaguing him for so long.

He stared at her, taking in every inch of her features that he'd never noticed before. Looking at her was still so familiar to him, no matter how far away the person he knew was. She was in there somewhere, and maybe it was that part of her that kept Vivian in the locker room. Maybe there was a part of her that didn't want to leave. He cleared his throat once in a failed attempt to get the lump that was forming in his throat to go away before he patted part of the bench beside him.

"If you're... not going to find Rod right away... Think we can have that talk now?" he asked, unsure of what kind of answer he would receive. Usually he could read Vivian like a book, but since the night of the party he was sure she was a stranger to him now. A foreign being he would have to get to know all over again, but the second his mind went to Rodolphus he was filled with anger again, but he gritted his teeth and pushed it aside. Well, he tried to. "What do you see in him anyway? He doesn't even know you."

[/blockquote]

[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Theo stared at her, his eyes noticeably softer, and Vivian felt herself melt slightly. She felt what little resolve she had to leave as soon as possible melt away.

She missed him so much. And she wasn't made of ice, no matter what people thought. Yes, Vivian was more in control of her emotions than most people, and yes she could be extremely cold, but she was still human. She had weaknesses, like everyone else, and she had moments when she gave into them. Theo was the biggest weakness she'd ever had. Vivian knew full well that staying here now and talking to him would make things harder later on, but she still wanted to stay.

Theo patted the bench next to him, and asked if they could have their talk now. Vivian's eyes went slightly wide, and she felt... afraid. She was scared of what Theo would say. She didn't want to get hurt again. She was scared of how it felt.
"Theo..." she said, quietly, running a hand through her hair. How could he not understand that she just... couldn't? What did he want to talk about? Did he want to hurt her again? She took a step forward, to show that she wasn't going to leave, but she didn't sit down next to him. Even this felt too close. Even now she felt an intense desire to go to him, and that... that wasn't good. That was dangerous.

But then Theo spoke again, and Vivian could see his anger even though he tried to hide it. He asked about Rod, and the lump in Vivian's throat seemed to grow.

"Its not like that," she managed to say, finally. She knew Rodolphus didn't know her. She didn't know him, either. "We're not... I'm not with him."

I'm just sleeping with him, she thought, at least, that's what you think.

She felt tears threatening to fill her eyes, and fought them hard. She didn't want Theo to see her cry. She was still too angry and prideful for that.

Vivian cleared her throat, and spoke again, this time her voice and her words both more harsh.
"Why do you care, anyway? You do it all the time." It was true that Theo had done what she was doing with Rod with plenty of girls. Who was he to judge her? Vivian was being defensive, and she knew Theo would see through that. Sometimes when she got too close to feeling something, or being sad, she'd cover it by being a bitch. She'd build up an icy shield around herself.

[THEODORE JACOB NOTT]

Theo watched as Vivian took a step forward, but the fact that the seat he offered wasn't taken stung the slightest bit. He looked toward the ground shortly, feeling all the more dejected. Maybe all of this was just a joke. Maybe he shouldn't have asked to her to talk. Maybe it wouldn't get them anywhere. But then there was that insistent part of Theo that thought... what if it did go somewhere? Vivian began to say that she wasn't with Rodolphus and Theo kept his eyes trained on the ground as she spoke again, her voice much harsher this time, and so were her words.

He shut his for a moment, wondering how to best answer her question without being an ass. He looked up at her and raised a brow. He did it all the time? Sure he did it all the time, but not after he claimed to love someone! And that's when he knew what to say.

"I didn't do it after I claimed to love someone, though," he said, his voice coming out more quietly than he liked. He didn't feel confident like he normally did. This was all too new and foreign to him. It was a different kind of territory and he wasn't used to this kind of... stuff. He'd never thought about emotions or caring before, but if it was anything that the past few weeks had taught him it was that he cared for Vivian Blackwell far more than he cared about anyone else at this school, including himself. "And not once did I ever let you go. I never, ever would trade you for any of those girls like you've traded me for Lestrange."

[/blockquote]

[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Theo seemed to absorb her words, and Vivian wondered how he'd react. She didn't know if she could stand it if he got angry, if he blew up at her, if they ended up fighting. Her emotions were running so high she knew it was a possibility.

Then he looked at her, raising an eyebrow, and when he spoke his voice was quiet, uncertain. It wasn't how Theo usually sounded. He was usually so confident. It was strange to hear Theo sounding so nervous. But his words... they cut her more deeply than any yet.

He was throwing the fact that she loved him back in her face? He didn't want her, but if she really loved him then she shouldn't have anyone else? Vivian just stared at him, her lips slightly parted in shock, and despite herself her eyes began to sting.

And then he said that he'd never let her go, that he wouldn't trade her like she'd traded him. Vivian could only shake her head, wordlessly. He had no idea. He had no idea how much she'd wished it had been him kissing her, him holding her... she had dreamt about it, she had had to force herself not to think of him every time Rodolphus touched her. It was torture. But she was fighting to try and move on.

When she spoke her voice was low, and she fought to keep it steady.
"You did let me go. You... you didn't want me." She fought to get the words out, but it hurt to say it. "I would never, never have traded you. Not for anything. But you made it clear that you don't..." she couldn't make herself say it again. It was hard enough telling herself that Theo didn't want her, but she did it every day. "You can't... you can't tell me how to live with that." If Theo didn't love her, if he didn't want her, that was his decision, but he couldn't tell her how to deal with it all. She was doing her best. She just wanted to get through it.

There was so much more she wanted to say, but she bit the words back. I only wanted to love you, I wished it was you, I only wanted you... she couldn't say all those things just to have him reject her again. Vivian folded her arms across herself, and took a step back from Theo, trying to make herself walk out of there before she threw her arms around him, or cried; she didn't know which would be worse.

[THEODORE JACOB NOTT]

Theo sat and listened as Vivian spoke, and said she would never have traded him. But that he made it clear that he didn't... She didn't finish her sentence, but he knew all too well what she meant. He had made it clear he didn't love her. But he had been wrong. He had been so bloody wrong. He swallowed the lump that was still stuck in his throat as his eyes lifted from the ground to look at her. He didn't like that she was still standing, still on guard.

"Can you please just sit down?" he asked. he didn't want to beg her to stay, but he knew if that's what it came down to then that's what he would do. She said he couldn't tell her how to live with that, and in his heart he knew it was right. He couldn't tell her how to live with his rejection, just like he didn't know how much longer he could go on knowing that she was slowly destroying herself and everything they'd built together. She was probably only doing it to get over him, but there was a part of it that still didn't sit right with Theo. You didn't tell someone and then use their rejection as an excuse to sleep around. But now wasn't the time to argue, and Theo was determined not to let his temper get the best of him. He knew if they argued now.... it would likely be the end of it all, and Merlin help them both if that ever happened.

"Look, Vivian... when you told me you loved me it was... it was a lot to handle, okay?" he began, figuring it was pretty much now or never. He had her attention, and she didn't seem like she was leaving, so he might as well say what he had to say. He inhaled deeply through his nose before letting it out slowly, trying to rid himself of the nerves that were crawling through every inch of his body. This was Vivian... this should be just as easy as everything else had been with her.

"And ever since you've started sleeping around... I just... It kills me... okay?" he paused only momentarily, his eyes refusing to leave hers. "It kills me to see you with them. It killed me to see you with Rodolphus at the party. It killed me that you chose him over me." he said, unsure if he'd ever really be able to get the words that needed to be said to leave his mouth. He would just get as close as he could.

"I was wrong... to reject you..."

[/blockquote]

[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Vivian looked at the bench next to Theo as he asked her to please sit down. She thought about how close she'd be to him if she did, and the thought was terrifying. Terrifying because she wanted it so much. But if she got that close to him, she'd break for sure. How would she stop herself from reaching out to him when he was so close? She took a couple of steps towards Theo, but then stopped. She just... couldn't. She wasn't able to handle that. She missed him so much and she knew that if she gave herself an inch she'd take a mile.

Theo continued to speak, his eyes never leaving hers, and Vivian felt guilt twist her stomach as he said that her sleeping around killed him. Guilt for being with Rodolphus and the others (even if she hadn't actually slept with them), and guilt that it had hurt Theo. But she was confused, too. Why did it kill him? Why did he care? Was it just that he had been her friend, and he didn't like to see her like that?

For a second she allowed hope to bubble up inside of her. Was he really saying what she thought he was saying? It killed him that she had chosen Rod over him. But had he wanted to be chosen as a friend, or... something more? No, she wouldn't let herself think like that. Hope would only crush her. At the lake, when she had kissed him, he hadn't even kissed her back. He had pushed her away. So why was she allowing herself to think that he wanted her now?

"I was wrong... to reject you..."

"What do you mean, Theo?" Vivian said, finally, her voice quiet, hardly daring to breathe. "What are you trying to say?" She needed to be sure. She needed him to say it. Until she was sure she couldn't allow herself to even think that he meant... no, she couldn't even think it. If he turned out to mean something else, it would just break her heart all over again. Hope was dangerous. But Vivian had uncrossed her arms and taken another step towards Theo without even realising it. The rain outside was heavy now, the only sound in the silence.

Despite herself, she started to think of the times the two of them had spent together. They'd practically grown up together. Theo had been her best friend since she was eleven years old. And all that time she'd been falling in love with him. He knew every part of her. She remembered how it felt to lie next to him, sharing their gentle, tentative touches and kisses. They'd been so young. And now all of that had grown into something else.
Please, she found herself thinking, please, let me have him. Vivian didn't believe in god, and none of her prayers or wishes had ever been answered before, but she didn't care. She'd plead to anything that would listen.

[THEODORE JACOB NOTT]

Vivian finally seemed to find her voice and Theo could practically hear the anxiousness in her voice. It was made even more obvious by the fact that she still refused to sit down. She asked him what he meant and he let out a soft chuckle. She was really going to make him say it, wasn't she? He stared at the ground for a moment as she asked what he was trying to say, wondering how exactly he was going to force the words to come out.

He looked up at her for a moment, smiling at her. Giving her a true, genuine smile that no one else had ever gotten from him. He would flash a smile occasionally to the girls who flocked around him, but it was never like the smiles he gave Vivian. Now that he thought about it, the smiles he gave her had always been different in some way. They were always more serious, more genuine, more truly happy smiles.

He cleared his throat again, the incessant lump refusing to leave. Nerves took hold of his body, turning his blood to ice within his veins. He was afraid. Afraid of what? That she wouldn't want him? That shouldn't surprise him at this point, really. So why was it so hard to say it? His heart beat faster in his chest as his eyes stared at her, the smile never falling from his face, despite his nerves.

"I'm trying to say..." he paused, the words still getting stuck in his brain and in his throat, but they buzzed around his heart like moths to flame. He loved her, he loved her so much. If this whole mess had taught him anything it was that. He loved her, and she deserved to know. She deserved to be loved by him, not touched and tainted by other's hands. They didn't know her. They didn't deserve her perfection, however messed up a version it was. It was perfection all the same. She was his perfection.

"I love you," he said, his smile faltering slightly out of embarrassment as heat rushed to his cheeks.He tried to fight it, hoping it wasn't showing through too badly. But once the words were out of his mouth it was like he wanted to say them over and over again for the rest of his days. "I love you so much." He wanted to get up, to hug her, to kiss her, to keep her trapped in his arms forever, but he refused to give into his wants. This was her decision now.

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[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Vivian waited, almost holding her breath as Theo smiled up at her, looking as though he were struggling to speak. His smile told her so much, as his smiles always did. She realised now that she had every one of them memorised.

And then, finally, after what felt like such a long time that it seemed like time had stopped, he spoke.
He loved her.

Vivian felt as though her heart would burst as he said those words, and she stared at his face as a blush crept up his cheeks. It was the sweetest, most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. She felt tears fill her eyes, tears of relief or happiness she didn't know, and at the same time a smile spread across her face, and she let out a small, slightly embarrassed laugh at her own reaction. But she couldn't help it. In one moment everything had turned from hell into heaven. Theo loved her. It hadn't quite sunk in.

He said it again, and Vivian knew she'd never tire of hearing it. She walked towards him, and sank to her knees in front of him so they were at a level. A part of her was still so nervous and tentative about going to him, about touching him, but mostly she was exhausted from holding back for so long. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly, burying her face in his neck, squeezing her eyes tightly shut as a few tears trickled out.
"I love you too, Theo," she said, her voice slightly muffled as she stayed pressed against him. "I love you."

Joy and relief were rushing through her in equal measure, but mostly she just felt love. She loved the boy in her arms with all her heart, and she'd stay with him for as long as he'd have her. For as long as he wanted her, she'd never let him go.

Vivian pulled away just enough to be able to look at Theo. She stayed kneeling on the floor, and stared into the eyes she knew so well. Except now she saw him in a different light; she saw everything in a different light. The whole world had changed.

"I never had sex with anyone," she said, tears still clinging to her eyelashes, fighting to make her voice something above a whisper. She wanted Theo to know that, he had to know... he had to believe her. Fear flooded her for a moment as she wondered if he would. But he had to. "None of them... they just said all that... it never got that far, I would never... Theo, I only wanted you. It was killing me too. I just wanted you, I could never... how could it ever have been anyone other than you?"

Vivian felt herself start to blush as she spoke. She had never talked about wanting Theo before, not in that way... he was so familiar to her, but this was different, this was new. But she wanted him to know. She was still a virgin, and she only wanted him. The thought of those other boys touching her like that, of being naked with them, being that vulnerable... it made her feel sick. The thought of even talking about all that with Theo made her blush, but it felt right. It could only be him. It had always been him. He had to know that even when she'd thought he didn't love her, that he didn't want her, it had still been him. She'd never given herself to anyone else. She'd never traded him for anyone.

Her face was close to his, and for a moment her eyes lingered on his lips. She wanted to kiss him so badly, but she was nervous, too. This would be different from all those times they had 'experimented' with kissing. Everything had changed since then. They had changed. Her first kiss had been with Theo, when she had been twelve years old. He was thirteen, and it had been his idea. He said that everyone was doing it, so they should try it out too. Vivian still remembered that kiss, she knew she'd never forget it. And now this felt like it would be a different kind of first kiss. That disaster at the lake could hardly count. She brought her hand up to Theo's face and gently brushed her fingertips across his cheek.

[THEODORE JACOB NOTT]

When Vivian finally reached him and buried herself into his neck it felt like everything was right in the world again. Like the hell that had been the past disappeared in an instant. He wrapped his arms around her instinctively in a hug, never wanting to let her go. An overwhelming happiness and sense of peace rushed over him as he held her there, taking in her undeniably familiar scent. She didn't belong anywhere but here, in his arms. He should be the only one who had the privilege to hold her like this, to be this close to her.

And when she said the words back to him he felt a happiness and feeling of acceptance unlike one he'd ever known. He felt such a strong emotion he once before had never even thought about. Love was a foreign concept to him, but if there was one thing he did know about it, it was that what he felt for Vivian was most definitely love, and if he were going to experiment in that feeling with anyone, it couldn't be anyone but her.

And then suddenly she pulled away, and he almost frowned slightly, unable to immediately figure out why she had. But then she admitted that she hadn't slept with anyone. He furrowed his brow slightly and stared at her for a moment. If she hadn't slept with anyone then why was everyone saying she had? And why was she letting them? Didn't she have more respect than that? And then she said that she only wanted and he felt a small smile creep up on his face. They'd never really talked about wanting each other, not in that way, but Theo was a guy, and when they'd been doing their experiments he made it quite clear that he could want her, and he did. And now, whenever that happened, it would mean so much more than it would have back then.

"I'm flattered," he grinned in her direction before she cupped his cheek gently. His smile only grew right before he closed what little distance was left between them and placed his lips on hers. It was a kiss full of love and happiness and a desire that he'd never quite felt with anyone but Vivian. There was a deep, passionate, soft ferocity to it as he brought his hand to rest behind her head and hold her there for a second.

He pulled away with a large, doofy grin across his face, but soon he remembered that she had let people say she was sleeping with them when she wasn't. Part of him was elated that she didn't sleep with anyone, and didn't plan to, but another part of him was confused. "But Vivian... if you didn't sleep with those guys then why did you let them say they did? Don't you have more respect for yourself then that?" He frowned at her slightly. He was happy, confused, and the slightest bit disappointed in her, but he only allowed his confusion to show through.

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[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Vivian felt her heart leap in her chest as Theo let a smile spread across his face, saying that he was flattered. He looked so happy, and in many ways he looked much younger, like a little kid. It was moments like that that made her love for him feel that much stronger.
"You bet you are," Vivian said, even though she was still blushing, a slight smile tugging at the corners of her own lips. But despite her jokes, she really hoped he knew how much it meant. The thought of all of... that, scared her the slightest bit. But with Theo she felt safe. She didn't know what it would all be like, and feel like, but she and Theo could explore that together. He'd take care of her, like he always had.

And then Theo kissed her, and Vivian stopped thinking about anything else. His lips tasted just as she remembered, they were just as soft as she remembered them being, but at the same time it was different. Everything was different. Theo had never kissed her like this. The kiss was deep and soft and passionate, she could taste his desire for her and it took her breath away. She wound her arms around his neck, one hand entwining in Theo's thick, curly hair, and let out a soft sigh against his lips. Finally kissing him was like coming up for air after almost drowning. Finally kissing him fuelled desire she didn't know she had. Sure, she had heard people go on about how good love felt, how special and magical it all was, how it felt to kiss someone, but Vivian had never really believed them... but this... this was amazing. Spectacular. Mind blowing, earth shaking, heartbreakingly beautiful. It made her ache to be as close to Theo as possible.

But then he pulled away, leaving Vivian slightly breathless, her cheeks flushed, and with a look of surprise on her face. She hadn't really known that feeling could be so... well, she hadn't even known that feeling like that was a possibility. She hadn't known she was capable of it. A doofy kind of grin spread across Theo's face, and again Vivian felt her heart ache with love for him. To her he was perfect. And he loved her. This amazing boy, her best friend, actually loved her, twisted and messed up as she was. She still couldn't believe it.

And then he asked again about the other boys, and why she had let them say she was sleeping with them. Vivian frowned, slightly confused. What did she care what people said? Vivian's knees were starting to get sore from kneeling on the ground, and so she moved and sat down on the bench next to Theo, although she didn't particularly like the positions they were in. She wanted to be wrapped in his arms and pressed against him, not sitting beside him on a bench... well, it would do for now, she supposed.

"My self respect isn't tied up in gossip, Theo," Vivian replied, slightly defiantly. She didn't want to just say what he wanted to hear. She'd never done that before. She wouldn't apologise for what other people had said about her, and she wouldn't apologise for not caring. Theo knew who she was. If he loved her, then that was the person he had to love. She wasn't going to change herself for anyone. She may be a bit messed up, but she was just fine as she was, and she wasn't going to let anyone tell her different. "Since when have I ever cared about what anyone says about me? I don't care if they keep saying it, if they say I slept with the whole school... as long as you know the truth."

And that was the long and short of it. The only opinion Vivian cared about was Theo's.
"You're the only person I've ever wanted, Theo. You're the only person that will ever have me." again a blush crept up her cheeks, and Vivian didn't know why she was so embarrassed all of a sudden, when she never had been in the past... no, she did know why. Because it was Theo.
"And that's what matters," she continued. "Now will you please stop talking about all those idiots and kiss me?" They had a lot of lost time to make up for. She tried to get as close to him as their positions on the bench would allow, but she wasn't quite sure what to do. She wasn't sure how to handle herself in these sorts of situations, with emotions and desire running around inside of her, driving her mad. She bit her lip slightly, and looked up at Theo... But then she realised she didn't have to try and figure it all out on her own.

"Theo...?" she said, her voice softer than it had been a moment ago, a question evident in her tone. She didn't need to explain. How many times had she looked to Theo when she hadn't understood something, when an emotion or an action perplexed her? And he'd always talk her through it, or show her, sometimes laugh it off if it was nothing important. And that was what she needed now. For him to show her, for him to explain. He was new to this too, she knew, at least new to love, but... well, just not quite as new as Vivian was.

[THEODORE JACOB NOTT]

The kiss was more passionate and more full of yearning than he thought it would, and he knew that it ended all too quickly for either of them to fully enjoy it. But there was a part of his brain that just couldn't shake the fact that Vivian allowed herself to be used, or lie to be used about Mulciber and Lestrange and all the rest. Why would she let them say whatever they wanted about her? She never cared about what people thought about her, but... this was different. And then she said what he knew all along. Her reputation wasn't wrapped up in gossip, and he knew that. But some part of him thought that she'd never let people say those things about her, especially if they were wrong. She'd never wanted to be touched before, he couldn't imagine her letting boys getting away with saying they'd touched her when they hadn't. And then she said something that hit home and made Theo smile.

"Well... I'm glad you told me," he said, nodding, the smile never falling from his face. And he was glad. It had killed him inside when he'd thought she'd been sleeping around. He wrapped his arms tight around her and held her close, allowing her familiar scent to envelop him."You're damn right I'm the only one who's gonna have you," he grinned at her before kissing her forehead gently. And then she said the magic words. He grinned at her as she got up off her knees and sat next to him, and then she tried to kiss him but it all happened kind of awkwardly. And she looked at him with that same familiar look she got whenever she was unsure of something. He smirked at her before lifting his hand and pushing a strand of her hair behind his ear.

"Come here love," he said with a smile before moving his hand behind her head and pulling her close, enveloping her lips in his own. And this time, he didn't pull away. It was slow, and passionate, and full of the love they shared for each other. He pulled away for only a minute before his eyes found her, and he grinned at her. "I love you." And he kissed her again, and he had no intentions of stopping.

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[VIVIAN HOPE BLACKWELL]

Theo's arms were around her, and Vivian smiled as he said that she was right, he would be the only one who would have her. That was exactly how she wanted it to be. And then she felt his lips pressing to her forehead, and she closed her eyes for a moment as he kissed her. It was such a tender, touching gesture. No one had ever kissed her like that, not even when she'd been a kid. No one ever kissed her the way Theo did. No one had ever cared about her, apart from him.

And really, he was the only person she cared about. She cared about him more than she cared about herself, something she hadn't expected to ever find. But though that had been true for a long time, she'd never really acknowledged it. Vivian went through day to day life acting as though she didn't care about anyone or anything but herself, but she knew that if she had been tested she would have put Theo first.

And when Vivian looked at him questioningly, not sure of what to do with herself, Theo only smiled, and brought a hand up to the side of her face to brush away a strand of hair. He didn't make fun of her, or laugh, or find it weird. She didn't have to pretend with Theo. When he called her 'love' she felt her heart leap in her chest, and her lips met his with all the intensity of the first kiss. It was slow and passionate, and this time Theo didn't pull away. He broke the kiss only for a moment, and looked into her eyes and told her that he loved her.
"I love you too," she replied, though she barely had the time to do so before his lips were on hers again.

Vivian was turned sideways on the bench towards Theo, and she put her hand on the back of his neck, holding him to her, her fingers gently playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. But every part of her wanted to be closer to him. She wanted to wrap her arms around him properly, and she wanted to be pressed against him. She was still hesitant, but this was Theo. She knew she couldn't do anything 'wrong' with him. She didn't have to worry about him rejecting her, or turning her away, not any more. He was her best friend. She didn't have to be embarrassed.

She pulled away from Theo and stood up, biting her lip slightly as she turned to him and slid onto his lap, facing him, a leg either side of his. There was a slight blush on her cheeks even as she told herself she didn't have to be embarrassed, and she moved slowly and slightly hesitantly.

"Is this okay?" Vivian asked, quietly, her face close to his. She brought a hand up to his face, brushing his dark hair out of his eyes.

And then she lifted his face to hers, and kissed him again. She wrapped her arms around him, and this kiss was even more filled with passion than the previous ones. Before she even realised she was doing it, her tongue darted between his lips to taste him. It was all so intoxicating, feeling this way, and the intensity of the emotions wasn't something Vivian was used to. They took her full force. It made her feel helpless, but with Theo she didn't mind. She didn't need to worry about being vulnerable around Theo. She never had.

Vivian still wasn't sure of what she was doing, but she followed what felt good. It wasn't as though she was planning on jumping him here and now, in the Slytherin changing rooms; in any case, she didn't think she was ready for all of that quite so soon. But she did want him, she wanted to be close to him, and the temptation to push that feeling just a little further was too much to resist. And Vivian had never been any good and denying herself something she wanted. In the past it had lead to a lot of detentions, but now it was more likely to lead to a very confused Theo. She wasn't sure what he'd make of her sudden boldness.